


Brendon in Black

by Rubi_in_Rust



Category: Men in Black (Movies), Panic! at the Disco, Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Aliens, Anal Sex, Banter, Brendon is not cheating on his wife, Flirting, Humor, Inside jokes, Intercrural Sex, LIZZO is God, M/M, Men in Black fusion, Open Relationships, Oral Sex, RPF, Reckless Driving, Semi-Public Sex, Shapeshifting, The Office References, the music industry has been taken over by the MIB
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-10 00:00:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18927196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rubi_in_Rust/pseuds/Rubi_in_Rust
Summary: When Waterparks goes to sign a record deal with Fueled By Ramen Awsten runs into Brendon Urie apprehending a shapeshifting alien masquerading as Ariana Grande. He gets swept up in the world  of Men in Black when Brendon can't wipe his memory.Oh yeah and they fuck.





	Brendon in Black

**Author's Note:**

> I don't condone writing RPF but since Waterparks literally asked for submissions of fanfiction I had to. What was I supposed to do, not write men in black au gay sex? Who do you think I am, some sort of heterosexual?
> 
> Also? This was partially written in a band room, which is quite fitting

It was, surprise surprise, a sunny day in LA when Awsten, Otto, and Geoff went to the recording studio to talk about a record deal with Fueled By Ramen. They were stoked to join Panic! at the Disco, Paramore, and the many other amazing bands signed to them. 

"What if we run into Brendon Urie?!” Otto said.

“Dude, that would be sick!" said Awsten.

“Don’t get your hopes up, guys,” said Geoff. They all nodded in agreement.

“I gotta pee,” Awsten blurted out and ran towards the bathroom. 

“Hurry!” Otto shouted after him.  
Awsten rounded a corner and bumped into somebody.

“Oh fuck,” said Awsten as he looked up at none other than Brendon Urie. Brendon raised his eyebrows as he looked Awsten up and down before smiling and saying, “Don't mind if I do.” 

Awsten blushed and stuttered. “I-I'm so sorry dude, I-I'm just a huge fan and you’re awesome hahaha I'm Awsten.”

Brendon laughed clapped Awsten on the shoulder, “Yeah, I know. Waterparks, right? Big fan! I love Entertainment!”

Awsten's jaw dropped, “Y-you know Waterparks?” he squeaked.

“Yeah! My little sister introduced me to your music-- wait, hold that thought,” he said as Ariana Grande walked out of a door. Brendon grabbed her and put her into a choke hold.

“LET ME GO,” she screamed.

“WHAT THE FUCK,” yelled Awsten.

“Don't worry, it's not actually Ariana Grande. She's not even in this genre of music. Show your face, alien!” Brendon pulled out a black tube from his pocket and touched it to Ariana's neck where it proceeded to shock her before her face morphed into a grey alien. “I’ve been looking for this little fucker for 3 months now, but they keep changing into someone else before I can track them down. Alright alien, you are in violation of the intergalactic impersonation code. I'm taking you to Men in Black HQ." Brendon pressed a button on the tube and it sucked Ariana Grande into it like it was nothing.

“Okay, Awsten. Now I have to wipe your memory,” he turned the pen on Awsten, but then another Ariana Grande walked down the hall. They stared at her and she stared back before turning and running the other way.

"Shit, there’s another?!” Brendon said before running after her. Awsten followed after him. Ariana changed into Scarlett Johansson and went down a different hallway. She jumped through a window and Brendon followed Awsten down the end of the hall to a fire escape to follow her. Scarlett was climbing a fence while Brendon was shooting taser bullets at her from his magic rod. She jumped off the fence while the two men scrambled to climb over it. She threw a nasty green blob over her shoulder at them and kept running until she was out of sight. 

"Crap, she got away,” Awsten said, breathing heavily. Brendon clapped him on the back.

“Not quite. I put a tracker on them so we can catch up. Here, you better get back to doing whatever you were doing in the building. I'm just going to do a quick wipe and you can forget this ever happened." 

Awsten jumped back, "Oh hell no! You’re my hero, I am NOT going to let you just erase my memory of ever meeting you! I won't tell anyone anything about what I saw! I swear!"

"Sorry dude, but it's policy, nothing personal, and you can meet me some other time! Here, let me give you my number.” Brendon reached into Awsten's back pocket to retrieve his phone, while Awsten willed his dick not to take notice. His dick failed miserably.  
Brendon tapped in his number and added a kissy emoji next to his name.

“See you around, Awsten.” He winked and pulled the black tube out of his pocket before flashing it in Awsten's face. Awsten blinked.

“Was that you trying to erase my memory?”

Brendon frowned. “It’s a prototype,” he said. “Let me try this again.” He put on his sunglasses and flashed Awsten again. Nothing happened. Brendon slapped the tube and flashed him once more. 

“Hey man, it's not working, so maybe you can just let me go?”

Brendon shook his head. “Sorry, no can do. This means I need to take you to HQ to get them to wipe you. I'm so sorry you’re missing your meeting or whatever you came here to do.” 

“Yeah, I need to get back soon or else we might not land the record deal.” 

Brendon grimaced and reached out for Awsten's bicep, wrapping his hand around it. Awsten could felt his blood rush up to his cheeks and down to his--well, you know where.

“I am so sorry Awsten, but I gotta steal you away."

“What, no!"

“Yeah...”

“My career depends on the outcome of this meeting! I can't just ditch them! Geoff and Otto are gonna be pissed!”

“It will all be okay. Don't worry, everything’s under control. Trust me.” And with that Brendon pulled Awsten onto the curb where his black Mercedes was parked. Like a gentleman, he opened the door for Awsten to get in. Awsten protested again, but Brandon just took his head and shoved him in the car like cops do. Fuck the police. Awsten was scared but turned on by the manhandling, which was embarrassing. Any other time he'd love being kidnapped by Brendon Urie, except this time he was totally going to ruin his career.

Brendon slipped into the driver's seat and locked the doors.

“Broom broom, motherfuckers,” Brendon said as he put the pedal to the metal.

"What are you doing?! This is a 35 mile an hour zone and you're going 60!" Awsten cried as he grabbed the “oh shit” handle above the door. 

"Don't worry, this is a fancy Men in Black car." Brendon flipped a switch and pressed a button and suddenly a pulsing pink, blue, and white portal opened up in front of the car. Awsten screamed while Brendan whooped as they raced toward it.

"Is that a fucking wormhole?!!" Awsten fumbled for his seatbelt.

“Kinda? It's spacey wacey. I don't know shit,” said Brendon as they were sucked inside before being spat out onto a parking lot in front of a tall swanky building. Brendon parked the car and opened the doors, courteously helping a nauseated Awsten out. 

“Congrats on not pissing yourself!” Brendon joked. Awsten smacked his arm. 

“Dick!”

“Is that an insult or an offer?”

Awsten verbally keysmashed while Brendon smirked and sauntered into the building. Awsten stumbled after him. When he stepped into the building he frose at the sight before him. He saw aliens and people in black suits scattered throughout an elegant, spacious lobby. He stopped to gawk at a slime creature before Brendon pulled him along through a fancy metal detector that flashed green when he went through. Brendon nodded to himself and pulled Awsten into a room with a gorgeous woman with braids in a bun. 

“Tessa Thompson??????” Awsten’s jaw dropped. 

“Who’s this?” Tessa said to Brendon. 

“Awsten Knight, a guy who I couldn’t wipe.”

“You couldn’t wipe? Did you try again?”

“I did.”

“Did you bang the rod?”

“Yeah!”

“Shit.”

“I know!”

“What are you gonna do about it?”

“I’m gonna take him to the chancellor to have them do something about it,”

A new voice entered the room. “No need, Agent B, I’m here.” A beautiful person walked into the room, all soft edges and round curves and coffee skin. 

“Hello, Awsten Constantine Knight. I love your band.”

“Who are you?" Awsten gawked.

“I am G.O.D., aka the Chancellor. You are a unique case, Awsten. One that requires…...unique handling.” G.O.D. gave a secretive smile. “But for now you will assist Agent B in capturing the vaklala. She is wiley and slippery, and she loves to toy with others. You will be bait for the vaklala to lure her out so Agent B can apprehend her. Then Agent B will wipe you.”

“He tried that already, but it didn’t work.” 

G.O.D. smiled again and turned to Brendon and touched his ample forehead with an acrylic nail. Brendon’s eyes widened and his face flushed. G.O.D. nodded.

“It will be my pleasure, Chancellor.” Brendon bowed.

“Now go, before the vaklala gets too far. Take this.” They passed him a bottle and he smoothly deposited it into his jacket pocket. Awsten’s heart couldn’t help but skip watching him. Brendon nodded his head towards the door and Awsten waved goodbye to G.O.D and Tessa Thompson. He tried to furtively take a picture, but they flashed their rod at him and he yelped and stumbled after Brendon.  
When they got to the lobby Awsten pulled on Brendon’s arm and hissed, 

“Is this like a secret government organization that gets rid of illegal aliens?”

“Yeah! We’re like ICE, but less racist and xenophobic.” Brendon shouldered the front door open and held it for Awsten.

“So aliens are real? How many are famous people? Is this like the illuminati? Is Beyonce a part of this?” 

“We kicked Beyonce out, she kept blabbing. But yeah, a lot of influential people are agents of M.I.B.”

“That’s crazy.”

“Oh yeah.” Brendon held the car door open and Awsten clambered in. He made sure he buckled his seatbelt this time as they rocketed through the vortex of death and rainbows.

“How do you get used to that? I feel like I'm gonna puke my nuts.” Awsten said when they popped out on the other side.

“I've been doing this for a while. It’s like losing your gag reflex, you get used to it."

“You don't have a gag reflex?"

Brendan looked over at Awsten and smirked. 

“Nope.”

Awsten swallowed. “That must come in handy.”

“No, they usually come in my mouth.”

“Jesus Christ,” Awsten whispered, feeling himself chub up down there.

“Not quite, but I'll take it.”

“I thought you were married? And to a woman?”

“I am. We have an arrangement;we can fuck who we like as long as we clear it with the other.”

“No I meant…”

“You didn't know I was into dudes?"

“Yeah,”

“I'm into people. If a guy’s hot, a guy's hot. And you're hot.”

Awsten covered his face with his hands. “You're hot too,” he muttered.

“Aww thank you, boo.”

Awsten felt the car come to a stop and he looked over at his driver.

“Where are we? Why did we stop?” Awsten hadn't been paying attention, so focused on Brendon was he. 

“I followed the shifter’s tracker signal here.”

“An abandoned theater?”

“Yup. She must be hiding out in here.”

“So, what's the game plan? How are you gonna lure her with me?”

“You're gonna go in there wearing this shiny bikini and do some impressions.”

Brendon pulled a black briefcase from the backseat of the car and opened it, showing a mess of gold chains and emeralds.

“Were you just carrying that around???”

“A hoe’s gotta do what a hoe’s gotta do.”

……….

15 minutes later Awsten was decked out in his chains, feeling fabulous, if not a little self-conscious in front of his idol. They were in a graffitied alleyway behind the theater. Brendon licked his lips as he gave Awsten a once over and took a picture and sent it to his wife.

“That's going in the spank bank.”

“Dude, you can't say those things when a silk cloth is covering my junk.”

“When this is over I'll give you something to wank to, so stop whining.”

“I'm expressing a legitimate concern, you dick! I don't want blue balls before getting killed by Ariana Grande!” 

“Well, I'll just fix that now then,” Brendon said and pulled Awsten into a heated kiss. Awsten mewed against Brendon’s lips. He curled his arms around Brendon’s shoulders, realizing how tall Brendon was when he had to lean up to meet his mouth. He tasted…...warm and human and vaguely like cinnamon, maybe he had chewed some gum beforehand. Awsten wound his hands through as much as Brendon’s hair as he could, while Brendon grabbed him around the waist, pulling him flush against his body. He explored Awsten's hips and back before reaching under the blue cloth covering Awsten's eager cock and rubbed. Awsten gasped and flinched against Brendon, before switching to kiss his neck, suckling through the pleasure of Brendon’s deft hands. Brendon groaned and sank to his knees and took as much of Awsten’s length into his mouth as he could, humming around it. Awsten covered his mouth and leaned his head back, finding the brick wall they had backed into.  
Brendon pulled off of Awsten grinning before deepthroating him, making him muffle a shout. Brendon pulled off and pulled the bottle the chancellor had given him out of his jacket before squirting it onto Awsten’s dick, who was too wrecked to ask why they gave Brendon lube. Brendon dropped his pants and turned around. 

“Stick it between my cheeks.”

Awsten didn't hesitate before gripping Brendon’s ass and fitting his cock in the crack, squeezing the cheeks together and pushing against them. Brendon moaned and fisted his own dick.  
It didn't take long before they desecrated the alleyway with their cum. They breathed heavily before righting themselves. 

“You ready to kick some alien ass now?” Brendon asked.

Awsten smacked Brendon’s ass. “I think I just kicked yours.”

“You wish.”  
………

It didn't take long for Ari-alien to show up once Awsten started his Dwight impersonation.

“Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica,” she said as she stepped onstage in Jim’s body.

“Identity theft is not a joke, Jim!” Awsten shouted at him as Brendon pulled out a glass container that sucked alien Jim/Ariana into it, and closed the lid.

“Is that it? Pretty anticlimactic.”

“Well, not quite. I still gotta get you.”

“What?"

“There's an alien inside you. It’s been altering  
your personality and hair color."

“Uhhhh I color my own hair and don't have any personality disorders.”

“Felony Steve? Kyle Fletchers?”

“Oh shit, you're right. Is that what G.O.D. was talking about when she said I was unique?”

“Yup. It's why I couldn't wipe you. I need to get it out of you before it takes you over entirely.”  
Brendon rested his hand on the side of Awsten's head, ruffling his hair tenderly. 

“It's gonna hurt, isn't it?” his voice quaked.

“Don't worry, it'll be okay. I gotta fuck it out of you.” Brendon kissed Awsten. 

“I'm so glad I was too nervous to eat today or we'd have to do an enema.”

“You're so hot when you talk dirty,” Brendon smirked before stripping and pulling out the lube bottle G.O.D gave him. “It's alien lube that'll help get it out.” 

10 minutes later, Brendon was pounding Awsten into a velvet padded theater chair while Awsten moaned into the cushions and reached back to grab Brendon’s ass to pull him deeper, squeezing the flesh while he was at it.

“OttoandGeoffaregonnakillmebutitwasworthitohhhhhhmygoddddddd.”

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to Rose for inspiring me and editing this for me! We are starting a podcast where we will read HORRIBLE fanfiction alloud and react to it. It'll be up on soundcloud in a few days and if you ever want to hear me screaming in agony while Rose calmy reads uncomfortable sex check us out @ Rubi&Rose.soundcloud.com 
> 
> My tumblr dare i leave it, is @mynameismeowmeow  
> And Rose's is  
> @justmythoughtsandstuff.
> 
> Expect shitposts and meta from me and band stuff from Rose
> 
> PEACE


End file.
